I wish I could say this blog will be an artful remake of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, but it’s going to be more like the rom-com Death Becomes Her, dark yet funny. C’est la vie!
It’s been quite a journey, these last five years. I can’t say I’m better off nor am I worse. I merely am the culmination of an interpersonal battle with myself, my loved ones and my life goals while getting hit in the face with ever-impending death from culprits like cancer, mental illness and general quarter-life crises.
Focusing on the present, I have been diagnosed and am currently in treatment for anxiety, depression and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Wooooo… (can you sense my sarcasm?)
I always considered myself a fragile child. Easily overwhelmed, eager to please, lacking motivation, an occasional misanthrope… just not made for this world. Many times I felt like Jesus, walking through life with the weight of the world’s sorrows on my back…
FYI, that’s not how anyone wants you to live your life. Original sin is a mental fuck.
I’m reviving this blog today because when I was at my lowest, the idea of it brought me back enough to share at least once, in hopes that someone out there has a similar story to my own. The blog died almost immediately, like most projects I start. But I continued with a private diary that ultimately became my own downfall. What was supposed to be therapeutic, ended up unwinding all the madness I had locked inside.
I am again at one of the lowest points in my life. I understand that this is my perception, but unfortunately, our perceptions define our reality.
I am going to be 100% honest with you. I am terrified to start this blog, this journey of sharing what’s in my mind and my heart.
…I’m holding my breath as I click *publish*
Anxiety triggered… level moderate. Let’s say it’s a 5 out of 10. Strike that, now it’s a 6…
BREATHING TECHNIQUE: Breath in through the nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts, slowly blow the air out through your mouth for 8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…
Repeat as needed until your heart rate becomes normal.
A calm mind is a wise mind.
Believe it.
-mrOwl
mr0wl 