ever had TMJ? It’s intense pain in the jaw or, as in my case, lock-jaw. Around age 15, I developed this scary trait. At any point during the day, my jaw was likely to shut, lock close. Tilting my head back almost guaranteed my jaw would lock, so waking up was potentially terrifying. I carried quite a bit of stress in my jaw, during the night I would clench my teeth so hard that it’s pronounced effects were dramatic enough for me to reevaluate how i lived my life. I was 15 and had given myself lock-jaw from stress! I actively tried caring less about school and trying to focus my efforts on interests that gave me contentment and serenity. The outlets i turned to were theatre and choir. My transition to slack-off slightly perplexed many of my friends. Later, in my senior year of high school, my friend Bryan could not understand why I’d decided to drop our upper division math course right before the final. Honestly, I received this opinion from almost everyone. But it doesn’t seem so ridiculous to me. I took the whole class, credits I didn’t even need, learned the material and did the homework, but I saved myself from stressful nights of cramming for a final that meant nothing for my future. Anyhow, it was a minor adjustment to my perspective that overall really helped me. I still achieved my goals of getting good grades, winning best actress for my school, and qualifying for All State Choir.
Now 22, my stressful anxiety is back. I’ve lost the ability to properly balance between relaxing a bit to simply being useless. New sources of stress cloud my thoughts: money, finding a job, relationships. Last May, I graduated with a BA in English Literature. I should have pursued Anthropology. I loved it, but I also wanted to get out of college in 4 yrs. It’s November now and I work on the sales floor as a lackey of a corporate imported goods store. They play decent music, at least. The sad thing is that while I get very minimal fulfillment from working there, my day becomes 100times better! Otherwise, I’m wasting away in a messy apartment that houses the potential for immense depression! Having a purpose is wonderful, but i’m a little appalled at how low my aspirations have sunk. I recently read this blog about productivity and I’ve realized that currently I don’t have the right goals, oh and my discipline and patience has really hit the fan. I’ve been on a 15month hiatus after a physical & mental breakdown. There comes a point when you want to shut down, power off. Dumb, mute, dull. I’m tired of feeling dead inside.
This blog is my goal for the week. A post a day.
–mrOwl
mr0wl 
a post a week?